Felma the Lunch Lady

The Filipino equivalent to the lunch lady in Billy Madison who makes the sloppy joes extra sloppy; that is Felma. A squatty, humorous, probably 40-something, always happy woman who collects our money in the lunch room, Felma is always good for a daily inappropriate joke. Let's see if I can recall a few of my favorites over the past few months. From the very beginning when she asked me if I was single and I replied "why, are you interested," we got off on the right foot. A while later, she was wrapping something up for me and misspoke to say I'll rape it for you. Then she laughed and said "I'll rape you." Most people might freeze in this situation in shock, but I took it in stride and said the only reasonable thing you can say: "You can't rape the willing, Felma." On another occasion she didn't have 20 peso bills, so she had to give me change in all coins. She told me that it would make my pockets heavy..."heavier than your balls." How does she know my balls are so heavy?!? Oh, Felma!